I am the eldest daughter in my family and for many that identify as such or are the only daughter, the thought has crossed our minds: at some point we will need to start thinking about how to care for our aging parents. While these can be tough conversations to have, it's not only important but necessary because of the potential financial impact it can have on everyone, especially for the caretakers. Here are some questions to get started:
- Where will your parents live when they start needing care (i.e. in the same house, downsize, live with you or go into assisted living)?
- If you have multiple siblings, what roles will everyone take on for your parents' finances, affairs and their overall well-being?
- Do they have an updated will or trust in place to ensure that their wishes are taken care of in the event they can’t advocate for themselves?
- What kind of health and life insurance do they have?
- What investments or retirement accounts do they have to help with their care?
- If they don't have sufficient insurance or investments, what do you need to do to start planning to take care of them?
Remember...not having a plan can open the doors for unexpected debt and financial strain.
In these conversations, honor your parents by working WITH them, not talking AT them. Aside from their experiences and attitude towards money being different than yours, they have held on to the responsibility of taking care of you, their child, for so long that you were a priority over their own needs. Keep in mind that these conversations are more than just financial logistics – it’s likely going to bring up high emotions on both sides along the way.
In some cases, you may want to consider consulting with outside professionals like attorneys, a financial advisor and a therapist to help you navigate through this journey as the financial caretaker.
Be empathetic, patient and persistent – these conversations are an act of love.